This blog has been anything but a consistent thought in my life this year. 12 months ago I was an eager new blogger waiting for all of the adventures I could share with you. Well, news flash, my life is pretty boring. And by pretty boring, I mean boring as fuck. I have never really gone off the path that was laid out for me a short 22 years ago. No, when I was born my parents did not hand me this massive binder with my life all planned out, but that would have been pretty nice. And honestly, if you asked them, they would probably say I threw them a few curveballs. But curveballs from where? Left field? Is it really surprising that I ended up where I am today? Not really. I am pretty much where fate decided I needed to go.
No, this isn’t a whole “finding myself” post that other 22-year-olds would force feed you. This isn’t a post about me finally giving into the idea that the universe had a plan for me and me deciding it’s about damn time to give in to it. This is a post about me realizing that I am not any different than any of you. I might not do things on a whim, I may be the master of lists (learning from the best, of course, thanks momma), and I may have followed my path, dotting all my i’s and crossing all of my t’s, but don’t we all?
Now, before you tell me of this outrageous summer you had before junior year where you really found yourself. All the times you hung out with the stoner next door and how you were high more days than not. Who said that wasn’t written into your story? Who said that wasn’t exactly what you needed to realize that going to business school like your mom pushed wasn’t really for you? I am not saying that there is some higher force playing Sims with our lives, but I will say I have had a nightmare or two about exactly that. I’m saying that our paths are laid out for us, and honestly, we just follow them. Just because the path isn’t nice and pretty with pathed paths and handrails for the bumpy parts doesn’t mean it was not written to be exactly like that. Unpathed and bumpy.
This year has been a learning process for me without a doubt. I went into 2018 with the mindset that I was going to kick ass and take names. Don’t get me wrong, I did kick ass and take names, I did graduate cum laude a year early with my bachelor in social work. I did have a killer summer position with AmeriCorps. I did get into all four of the grad schools I applied for, including the best school in the nation for a master of social work degree. But I also got my ass kicked. I moved to a new city, I left all my friends, I lost an apartment the day I was supposed to move in. I cried, hell, I’m not going to sugar coat it, I ugly sobbed, for hours, on multiple occasions. I almost dropped out of grad school, twice. But I also learned my place. And not in the misogynistic, I found my way through a kitchen kind of found my place. I found my niche in my career, and I am absolutely smitten with it. I found exactly who I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I found out that looking for apartments on a strict time crunch leaves you without a stove for 8 months. But you live and you learn, you know?
I know this post has been all over the place, but hear me out here. I did not plan for any of the bumps in 2018 to happen. I mean who plans on a vicious dog breaking three windows downstairs while you are trying to move into your first solo apartment? You get me? Good. But I also didn’t plan on the good things happening either. I did not plan on falling in love with my job over the summer, or sobbing as I left the town I called home for the past three years as I moved on to bigger and better things. I did not plan on falling hopelessly in love with my significant other. I didn’t plan any of it. It was bumpy at parts, unbearable honestly, but it also gave me the opportunity to see where I am in my life and just enjoy it. It allowed me to walk out of T’s apartment to a sunset over the mountains, and fall in love with my undergrad town all over again. I allowed me to realize that the vicious dog from the first floor allowed me to move to an amazing neighborhood. 2018 was anything but easy, but it was always interesting, and exactly what I needed at that moment in time.
Now, if you are still here, following this cluster fuck of a word vomit post, I wish you the best of luck in 2019. I wish you the bumps and the cracks, but I also wish you the sunsets and the unexpected pathed paths. I wish you the best and hope you are able to claw your way out of the worst. I hope and dream that you have the year of your life, while I also extend an arm when you need a lift. Know that whatever is thrown or gently tossed your way this year is exactly what you need and that you will find your way on the path eventually. It might not make sense now, but it never does at the moment, this is life after all.
From my walk to yours, enjoy the journey.